I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
