i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
