you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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