So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
