Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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