Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
