He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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