marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Two words: blizzard sex
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
