I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
