theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
