R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
