Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
