I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
