Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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