Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
