do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
