I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't deserve a penis
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
