Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
