I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
