Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
