the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
