There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
