You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
