talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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