thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
