fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
