Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
