I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
