We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
