hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
