all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
