This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
