does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
