No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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