Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
