we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize