last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
