we have pet lesbian snakes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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