Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
