I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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