I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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