What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
