It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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