Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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