So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
