Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
