It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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