you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
