Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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