That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
