I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
