he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
