I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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