I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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