like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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