cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
