i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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