He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
