So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
