Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
