Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
