6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
