Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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