my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
